You know they would if they could

(HR Rep) We are happy that you've decided to join our little family at HappyLife Insurance, a subsidiary of Soulless Monster Corp. If there is anything I can help with, just ask.

(You)I have one little question.

(HR Rep) I am happy to answer any questions you have. You're part of the team now and we are all here to help one another.

(You)Umm...it's activity number three in the orientation package.

(HR Rep)Yes?

(You)Well, when it says, "violent sodomy", is that an euphemism or something?

(HR Rep)No, no, no. You'll be sodomized by upper management; it's a team building exercise that helps you learn how the chain of command works.

(You) What?

(HR Rep)I know what you are thinking, but it is all done with safety as an utmost concern. Lubrication is provided, condoms are used, and I hear that it helps if you can relax.

(You)Isn't that kind of sexist?

(HR Rep) Not at all. Sodomy was chosen because everyone can be sodomized. It's quite equal opportunity.

(You)Uh...doesn't that exclude the female upper management?

(HR Rep) Oh not at all. There are harnesses and prosthetics provided. In fact some of the women are our most enthusiastic participants.

(You) Oh, I see.

(HR Rep) Now if you'll just sign these waiver and non-disclosure forms we'll finish up your new hire paperwork.

(You) You do have an excellent health plan.

(HR Rep) Glad to have you aboard.