You know they would if they could

(HR Rep) We are happy that you've decided to join our little family at HappyLife Insurance, a subsidiary of Soulless Monster Corp. If there is anything I can help with, just ask.

(You)I have one little question.

(HR Rep) I am happy to answer any questions you have. You're part of the team now and we are all here to help one another.

(You)Umm...it's activity number three in the orientation package.

(HR Rep)Yes?

(You)Well, when it says, "violent sodomy", is that an euphemism or something?

(HR Rep)No, no, no. You'll be sodomized by upper management; it's a team building exercise that helps you learn how the chain of command works.

(You) What?

(HR Rep)I know what you are thinking, but it is all done with safety as an utmost concern. Lubrication is provided, condoms are used, and I hear that it helps if you can relax.

(You)Isn't that kind of sexist?

(HR Rep) Not at all. Sodomy was chosen because everyone can be sodomized. It's quite equal opportunity.

(You)Uh...doesn't that exclude the female upper management?

(HR Rep) Oh not at all. There are harnesses and prosthetics provided. In fact some of the women are our most enthusiastic participants.

(You) Oh, I see.

(HR Rep) Now if you'll just sign these waiver and non-disclosure forms we'll finish up your new hire paperwork.

(You) You do have an excellent health plan.

(HR Rep) Glad to have you aboard.

God is wise.

Why exactly is God wise you might ask. Simply put he has never, no matter how often I've prayed for them, given me super powers. It's not because I am an evil person that would use my abilities for foul purpose. Truth to tell I would slap on a mask, fight bad guys, save cats from trees, and tell kids to stay away from drugs. The problem would arise as soon as some assbag cut me off in traffic, comes to an almost complete stop for a simple turn, goes before his or her turn at a four way stop, etc. Because then all of my goodwill towards humanity goes out the window and I would unleash my super powered wrath on them and their vehicle. So next time some jackass pisses me off on the road they have God to thank that I'm not nuking them with my laser eyes.

Cheese

I am a lover of cheese. So much so that I am the head of a fraternal organization of cheese lovers, The Cheese Brothers. I will elaborate more on this once the web site is back up.

Now I want to say a few things about my two favorites, Jarlsberg and Blue. Jarlsberg has a sweet, nutty flavor and firm texture. In comparison Blue is sharp but with a soft, creamy texture. They make great snacks with crackers, go well with salads, and their range of flavors compliment a variety of foods.

Lets not forget Blue Cheese dressing either; nothing is more relaxing than a nice cool glass of it at the end of the day.